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I put it all on black, the color you're all dressed in
And a stab in the back left you bleeding on the floor.
And I'm mourning the death, the recent passing of your insides
I smile in regret every time I think of how I spoke to you.
I put it all in back of my mind where I hold you.
I'm just trying to keep track how far back it really goes.
And I'm living in lack of the blood sent from the heaven.s
I'm just trying to relax as the killer's waiting right outside my door.
What's black and white?
What's read all over?
This tired book, this organ donor.
Sweet blasphemy, my giving tree
It hasn't rained in years.
I bring to you this sacrificial offering of virgin ears.
Leave it to me, I remain free from all the comforts of home.
And where that is, I'm pleased as piss to say, I'll never really know.
I put them all in black, the four walls of my bedroom.
And I trimmed them in red, peeled your picture off the wall.
And I'm living in lack of the blood sent from your heartbeat.
That arrived in your neck every time I salivated over you.
What's upside down?
What's coated in silver?
This crucifix is my four leaf clover.
Sweet blasphemy, my giving tree
It hasn't rained in years.
I bring to you this sacrificial offering of virgin ears.
Leave it to me, I remain free from all the comforts of home.
And where that is, I'm pleased as piss to say, I'll never really know.
One of these days, it's gonna catch up to you.
Throwing looks like those around.
One of these nights, I promise to you.
I'll soon be sleeping sound,
As soon as I leave town.
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.
I hope you find out what you want.
I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am.
I'll grow old and start acting my age.
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone.
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.
Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state.
You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way.
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down.
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out.
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room,
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds.
So call it quits or get a grip.
Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed.
Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget...
So you can forget… you can forget.
You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold.
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones.
Spring keeps you ever close.
You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin.
Standing trial for your sins.
Holding onto yourself the best you can.
You are the smell before rain.
You are the blood in my veins.
Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not.
I'm glad that you can forgive.
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
It's been a long year,
Since you've been gone.
I've been alone here.
I've grown old.
I fall to pieces, I'm falling,
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling.
Every time I'm falling down.
All alone I fall to pieces.
I keep a journal of memories.
I'm feeling lonely, I can't breathe.
I fall to pieces, I'm falling,
Fell to pieces and I'm still falling.
All the years I've tried,
With more to go.
Will the memories die?
I'm waiting.
Will I find you?
Can I find you?
We're falling down,
I'm falling.
How do you cool your lips, after a summer's kiss?
How do you rid the sweat, after the body bliss?
How do you turn your eyes, from the romantic glare?
How do you block the sound of a voice,
You'd know anywhere?
Oh I really should've known.
By the time you drove me home.
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes.
By the chill in your embrace.
The expression on your face told me,
Maybe you might have some advice to give
On how to be insensitive
How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch?
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush?
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend?
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?
Oh you probably won't remember me.
I’m probably ancient history.
I'm one of the chosen few,
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch.
I Fell too fast, I feel too much.
I thought that you might have, some advice to give
On How to be insensitive.
Oh I really should've known.
By the time you drove me home.
By the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes.
By the chill in your embrace.
The expression on your face that told me.
Maybe you might have some advice to give,
On how to be insensitive.
She's just sixteen years old,
leave her alone, they say.
Separated by fools.
who don't know what love is yet,
but I want you to know,
If I could fly,
I'd pick you up,
I'd take you into the night,
and show you a love
like you've never seen - ever seen.
It's like having a dream.
where nobody has a heart.
It's like having it all,
and watching it fall apart.
and I would wait till the end,
of time for you.
and do it again, it's true.
I can't measure my love.
There's nothing to compare it to
but I want you to know,
If I could fly,
I'd pick you up,
I'd take you into the night,
and show you a love
like you've never seen - ever seen.
It took me by surprise.
When I saw you standing there.
Close enough to touch.
Breathing the same air.
You asked me how I'd been.
I guess that’s when I smiled and said just fine.
Oh, but baby I was lying.
What I really meant to say.
Is I'm dying here inside.
And I miss you more each day.
There's not a night I haven’t cried
And baby here's the truth.
I'm still in love with you,
That's what I really meant to say.
And as you walked away.
The echo of my words.
Cut just like a knife.
Cut so deep it hurt.
I held back the tears,
Held on to my pride and watched you go.
I wonder if you’ll ever know,
What I really meant to say,
Is I'm dying here inside.
And I miss you more each day.
There's not a night I haven't cried.
And baby here's the truth,
I'm still in love with you.
What I really meant to say,
Is I'm really not that strong.
No matter how I try,
I'm still holding on.
And here's the honest truth,
I'm still in love with you,
That's what I really meant to say.
That's what I really meant to say.
I don't want to see you waiting.
I've already gone too far away.
I still can't keep the day from ending.
No more messed up reasons for me to stay.
Well this is not for real, afraid to feel.
I just hit the floor, don't ask for more.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm wasting my time.
You can't stop the feeling, there is no reason.
Just make the call and take it all again.
Months went by with us pretending.
When did our light turn from green to red?
I took a chance and left you standing.
Lost the will to do this once again.
Well this not for real, afraid to feel.
I just hit the floor, don't ask for more.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm wasting my time.
You can't stop the feelin', there is no reason.
Just make the call and take it all.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm wasting my time again.
I see you waitin'
Lonesome, lonely
I see you waitin'
I see you waitin'
Well its not for real, afraid to feel.
I just hit the floor, don't ask for more.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm wasting my time.
You can't stop the feelin', there is no reason.
Just make the call and take it all.
I'm wasting my time.
I'm wasting my time.
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Saturday, December 03, 2005
blogs are slowly dying :(
1. Do you like chinese food? uhhh what is YES.
2. How big is your bed? twin size.
3. Is your room clean? yes.
4. Laptop or Desktop computer? desk top.
5. Favorite comedian? dane cook, lewis black & a few others.
6. Do you smoke? no.
7. Does anyone like you? i think so.
8. Whats the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice? say what?
9. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex? uh amazing sex.
10. Sleep with or without clothes on? withhhh.
11. Who sleeps with you every night? cocoa.
12. Do long distance relationships work? nope.
13. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? zerrrrrro.
14. Pancakes or French Toast? PANCAKES.
15. Do you like coffee? mmm hmmm.
16. How do you like your eggs? scrambled.
17. Do you believe in astrology? why not.
18. Last person you talked to on the phone? my mom.
19. Last person on your missed call list? uhhh Kenneth sweet.
20. What was the last text message you received? i duno.
21. Mcdonalds or Burger King? mcdonalds.
22. Number of pillows? 3.
23. Last thing you ate? tater tots & chicken fingers.
24. Last thing you bought? hair dye.
25. What are you hearing right now? my bathroom fan.
26. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song? im not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of losing you. maybe im addicted, im outta control. But you’re the drug that keeps me from dying. GOOO ENRIQUE.
27. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J s? all jelly rocks.
28. Can you play pool? nope.
29. Do you know how to swim? duh.
30. Favorite ice cream? chocolate brownie dough, oh my.
31. Do you like maps? i don’t understand them.
32. Tell me a random fact: i am wearing underwear.
33. Ever play spin the bottle? no I’m a loser.
34. Ever attend a theme party? no.
35. Ever do a keg stand? nooo.
36. Craziest place you've slept after a night of drinking? uh my moms chair. I KNOW I’M A LOSER.
37. What is your favorite season? fall/winter.
38. What is the first music video you ever saw? that’s a tough one.
39. Pick a movie quote: “the man punted Baxter with his foot”
40. Favorite quote: “you can never know which way your world will turn or how the stars are gonna fall. Salty tears they burn, & there are lessons you will learn, but you’ll be stronger for it all.”
41. What is your favorite Thirsty: huh I don’t have a favorite thirsty.
42. fave sex position: i don’t have sex.
43. How long have you known them? wha?
44. Last time you laughed at something silly? just now.
45. What time did you wake up this morning? 5:40.
46. Wake up next to anyone? no.
47. Best thing about winter? the cold & being able to wear SWEATSHIRTS.
48. Name a couple of favorite colors: yellow, green, red.
49. How old are you? almost 18, woot.
50. What month is your birthday in? january.
51. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? uh they kill people right?
52. Favorite Dave Matthews Band song? say goodbye.
53. What are you doing this weekend? something.
54. Who will take this survey? people who have no lives like me.
Posted at 12:13 am by tRiNa
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005
i am addicted to quizzes.
Ten firsts:
First Best Friends: Alison amidon/andrea kempisty.
First Screen Name: babyface2988.
First Pet: dog.
First Piercing: ears.
First Crush: chad klotzbach.
First CD: hanson.
First Car: I don’t have a car.
First Love: alexxxx.
First Stuffed Animal: not sure.
Nine lasts:
Last Alcoholic Beverage: peach fuzzy navel.
Last Car Ride: with kolleen.
Last Movie Seen: anchorman.
Last Phone Call: my mom.
Last CD Played: shinedown.
Last Bubble Bath: no thanks.
Last Time You Cried: two nights ago.
Last Time Eating Out: yesterday.
Last Dream: tall people having sex with midgets, i swear to god.
Eight have you evers:
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: nope.
Have you ever been arrested: nope.
Have you ever skinny dipped: oh yeah.
Have you ever been on TV: no.
Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: not really.
Have you ever cheated on someone?: nope.
Have you ever skipped school: all the time.
Have you ever done something illegal?: yes.
Seven things you are wearing:
1. sweatshirt.
2. tshirt.
3. pajama pants.
4. underwear.
5. bra.
6. rings.
7. slippers.
Six things you’ve done today:
1. showered.
2. dyed my hair.
3. went to school.
4. checked my buddy list.
5. ate poptarts.
6. took a test.
Five favorite things:
1. SLEEPING.
2. talking on the phone.
3. driving at night.
4. listening to cds.
5. seeing old friends.
Four people you can tell anything to:
1. jen.
2. rachel.
3. my sister.
4. my mom.
Three choices:
1. Black or White: black.
2. Hot or Cold: cold.
3. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolateeee.
Two things you want to do before you die:
1. visit ireland.
2. fall in love again.
One thing you regret:
1. i am not one for regretting things.
Posted at 03:21 pm by tRiNa
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Monday, November 21, 2005
[in the morning i am]: not willing to leave my bed.
[love is]: pretty gay.
[i dream about]: a lot of things.
[what do you notice first on a guy] hands & hair.
[who is easiest to talk to]: jen/rach.
[the last person you talked to on the phone]: my mom.
[the last person you hugged]: jen.
[the last person you imed]: rach.
[the last person you laughed with]: jen.
[could you live without the computer?]: I did at one point in my life.
[what's your favorite food?]: chicken/tacos/chinese/mashed potatoes & gravy.
[what hurts the most: physical pain or emotional pain?]: they both pretty much suck.
[do you trust others easily?]: nope.
[number of drugs taken illegally?]: one.
[number of tight friends?] : 4.
[number of cd's that i own?] : over 100.
[number of scars on my body?] : 94275945739 million, mostly from curling irons & other hot objects.
[number of things in my past that i regret?] : not too many.
[i know]: i’m going to cry at graduation.
[i want]: to go to a trapt concert.
[i have]: an addiction to cds.
[i wish]: i was 15 with the one boy I’m not over again.
[i hate]: cleaning my house.
[i miss]: having the boys over 2 summers ago.
[i fear]: tornadoes & elevators.
[i hear]: hilary duff.
[i love]: my family.
[i ache]: nowhere?
[i care]: about too many things.
[i always]: take naps.
[i dance]: in enclosed areas with just myself.
[i cry]: when I’m upset.
[i do not always]: understand why things happen.
[i write]: a lot of poems.
[i can usually be found]: at my house/in jens van.
[i need]: a boyfriend.
[friend that impacted you the most spiritually]: riiiight.
[friend that you wish you saw more often]: i see all my friends.
[most sarcastic]: jen.
[sweetest]: b.
[most annoying thing you do]: make faces while telling stories/stutter.
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: don’t really know actually.
[describe your personality in one word]: amazing.
[height]: 5’ 8.
[a smell that makes you smile]: curve for men.
[a city you'd like to visit]: don’t care.
[a drink you order most often]: mountain dew.
[a delicious dessert]: cheese cake.
[the music you prefer while alone]: anything but rap.
[your favorite band]: shinedown/trapt/lp/journey.
[a movie you could watch over and over]: anchorman/orange county/the grinch.
[a TV show you watch regularly]: dr.phil/montel.
[you live in a]: house.
[your transportation]: myself/jen/Rachel/anybody else who has a car.
[your cologne or perfume]: love spell.
[something important on your night table]: a hair tie.
Posted at 04:11 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
Friday, November 11, 2005
i'm over blogging via blogdrive
listen...
i am pretty much over blogdrive.
& for the next long while i shall be blogging on myspace.
bc i made it all pretty & such.
actually i might use this for longer updates.
not sure.
i dont think too many ppl read this anyhow.
so this was probably pointless.
later.
Posted at 08:33 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
Friday, November 04, 2005
you know I was thinking...
my finger still hurts from when philips cat beat me up.
damn kittens.
god.
oh&I was taught the correct way to spell philip.
&it is with only one L.
so don't confuse it.
so apparently al seen me on halloween.
however he was casper.
&as it turns out, was not trying to rape me&rach.
good news.
because I guess not everybody tries raping me.
reguardless of how gorgeous I really am.
hahaha.
only me, jen&a few others got that.
so yeah, it's confidence.
not being conceited.
&confidence is sexy.
I have a madd itch problem.
I mean my entire body itches; all day.
&I'm thinking it's not because me&jen are lesbians.
it's been a few days since our last sexual encounter.
&I laugh at the people who read this&take us seriously.
so me&brian are dating.
&when I say that I mean we arent.
but hey, whatever helps us sleep at night.
I wish I had a boy.
so anybody who wants to help me...
please do.
Posted at 11:40 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
OnEhOtMoOsE106: I bet if you used a stud finder on me it would go off.
OnEhOtMoOsE106: well they say that lesbians are prone to a sex diesease that makes you itch like a fucker.
tRiNaMo14: you'd always be drunk & running into doors...& I wouldn't be able to give up my lesbian lifestyle.
OnEhOtMoOsE106: jesus, I love you.
OnEhOtMoOsE106: yo we should work out sometime like TOGETHER.
OnEhOtMoOsE106: you're like odd.
OnEhOtMoOsE106: dude there is a high wind advisory tonight. I'm gonna fly a fuckin kite.
so basically I am an odd fat lesbian with a disease who has a studddd as a friend.
I love ittt.
&how brian's conversations are always so informative.
I get updates about new diseases & weather reports.
it's amazing.
he's my favorite b.
Posted at 10:40 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
so I haven't updated in a really long time.
probably because not much has happened.
tonight was the jessica andrews concert...
&I didn't get to go.
but is this anything new?
nope, my mom loves not doing things with me.
yeah, me&jen are god.
&are making shirts that say so.
&I am spending the weekend with her.
I'm pretty much excited about that.
seeing her is even better than our 3 hour phone conversations.
&those are mighty hard to top.
after school jen&me ventured to wal mart.
then to taco bell.
I got a zesty chicken salad for the first time.
it was really bad.
I don't recommend it.
plus there were only 2 pieces of chicken.
TWO.
I was already in debt 2 dollars.
&now I've increased that to 10 dollaaas.
shit.
we then went to phillips.
I mean we went to brians.
but I guess it was to see phillip.
because he waited for us in the car outside.
&phillip is probably the cutest boy ever.
everrrrr.
it's very sad he's 15.
dammn.
brian didn't come out for a good hour.
so we chillaxed&lived it up with phillip.
so anyways I love the jarosz's.
they rock.
&I guess I love the parker's too.
because apparently tim is one of those.
who knew?
actually I did; but oh well.
anyways, I'm fat.
&as soon as my candy is gone...
I'm on a diet.
forever.
because that's how fat I am.
I'm actually fat bastard.
or so b told me.
hahaha.
god, my friends are too nice to me.
Posted at 10:10 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
Saturday, October 29, 2005
StripAwayxVanity: me and jen decided that in 30 years you are going to look like mrs. webber.
&that is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
who doesn't wanna be told they are going to be on the verge of death due to obesity.
right?
That's why they are my best friends.
Posted at 04:32 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
I love to hate people.
a whole lot.
like my ex best friend.
the one I'm so happy to be without these days.
because he sucks.
dear tigen,
I love you a lot.
&you don't live at your house anymore.
&I'm sort of distraught you jerk.
I haven't seen you in 5 days.
well only in study hall.
&that is not enough.
I can't be on you there.
so we have to see eachother soon.
I love you always.
trinnnaaa.
Posted at 03:23 pm by tRiNa
Permalink
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
god, I'd love to go back to 9/10th grade.
when I was always with my oakfield friends.
& actually didn't care about things.
when I was happy all the time.
& when I actually had a life.
back to when I was always gone.
& when things were pretty much perfect.
at least for a good few months.
I miss everything about those days.
& I obviously have a really hard time letting go.
Posted at 11:04 pm by tRiNa
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